ALL IS WELL 一切安好
閱讀中文請往後滑動，惟此篇因時程上的效度而中文借重翻譯軟體較多，
語意尚稱通順，卻不見得完全合於作者之意呵呵
“They hired you from the elementary school
system, wanted you to help them to teach English teachers working inside public
schools from the university point of view due to your background; meanwhile,
they want you to follow their instructions. They missed something here: unless
they recruit someone fresh out of his/her university, the person they hire will
have his/her own will, let alone someone with your experiences.” This is a
chairperson, the similar generation as I am, working inside the HR Dept. of a
school hiring me back in 2021 or so. She got me, knowing well that I had walked
onto a very different path for ages, not all of a sudden. After we parted our
ways, that we all went to different places work, one day, this HR Head told me she
and her family would like to do something good for some people whom I’ve
served. I took it, and I did what she requested, that she asked me to use the
donation from her family on matters I felt were important for those people at places
far away, whom I have served.
With her donations, I did something meaningful.
Normally, I do not take people’s money, nor would I mention anything related to
the term “donation.” From this HR Head, I took the money based on two reasons. First,
she understood me as a person since she watched me work, and she knew the depths
of my service work overseas. Second, she understood what I was doing were
important, which was the reason she decided that she would have to donate.
Unfortunately, many people would never be
able to understand me, and I am not demanding people’s understanding, either,
for I am spreading the messages of love and care, from my point of view, when
people can understand. When people cannot understand, which is the fact, that
through the years, things can be like this, I am not affected at all. Thus, an
older lady, a retired teacher’s comment towards me was completely correct,
“Why do you have to ask me to attend Hope’s
event of warm sharing of ideas or actions?” She said. “Hope does not care about
who is attending.”
Why do I not care? It is very easy—as an
educator, I have learned that no matter how much you have taught a student,
this student may not absorb what you have told him/her. Obviously, although I run
the risk of not capable of letting every student understand what I need to
convey, I, at least, have tried my best. It is the same in terms of helping people—it
is through people’s realization that they want to give the others a hand;
however, if people are trapped in their own dramas, it is not likely they can
do anything to help out. In circumstances like this, when they feel that money
can help, but the gesture of giving the money away to people like me cannot
alleviate their burdens in their own lives, what is the use of such money offered
to me for the assistances of these people who are in need?
On the other hand, when there is even one
person stating that through working for the needed with someone like me, or
learning from me via using English as a tool, his/her visions towards things
around him/her have changed, that s/he looks at things more openheartedly, willing
to do things with bravery, and treats his/her parents with patience, frankly, I
trust these kinds of life-changing events making people more grateful is quite treasurable.
Perhaps it is the ways I am doing things
resulting the amazing encountering of people and things happening in my life,
as this entrepreneur, named Ya-Lin, is willing enough to organize journeys
overseas for us through trivial matters contacted with on our behalf, the first
time ever I have learned throughout my career. What is more incredible is that
she further proposes concerts to be held overseas based on the benevolent deeds
we’ve done at other more disadvantaged regions of the world so the proceeds can
be utilized at places where I have focused on for as many years as we can all
remember, places where communities live under 1 USD per person per day.
It is just for all these years after
meeting so many people, hearing so many stories, tasting so many different
forms of lifestyles at the most affluent and the least fortunate areas of the
world financially speaking, I have learned that true assistances have nothing
to be connected with MONEY, something most people deem as crucial. Rather, it
is always, always the connections made in between a person’s own logics and
his/her deepest soul, this person’s inner peace with the outside world, and all
humanity.
“Some people do not even understand why they
have said certain things, nor do they know that they talk not to people, but
only to themselves, sitting in their own world,” reflected a student friend of
mine. This sort of realization is so accurate that I can merely applaud. While doing
all these, even including my ways of treat every one, I would also remember
what my former colleagues used to share with me.
“To stay awake, each of us drinks at least
two cups of coffee from XXX, a famous chain store coffee shop. When we go
shopping, starting prices of the clothes we purchase would be around 500 USD,
and we do that a lot. All these do not even include our expenses on cosmetics…”
Spending on none of the above, I would even
encounter students who are business persons or students’ parents who told me
that,
“We understand you would need money to be
spent due to your work in those rural regions of the world.”
Via these people, I accumulate a bit more
financially speaking; by not squandering the money I have earned, of course, in
my terms, on coffee (as I am allergic to it), clothing, etc., and by just using,
every month, for so many months ever since I entered the job market, of course I
would have had enough to do as much as I can worldwide, for the projects I have
focused on humanitarianly.
As there are people who believe the time
they meet me would be the first day I begin my service, voluntary work to the
needed, so they need to HELP ME FIX every single thing, I can feel the energy
in me offering me that immense amount of tranquility telling me otherwise, that
every single thing surrounding me is as peaceful as it is. Today I may have
lost every single penny I have earned, despite of the quite limited amount of it,
I still hold that dignity and unity in my heart stating “What you’ve done is
very cool.” Tomorrow I may have a student telling me that s/he understands how
a structure can work for him/her to establish a business to offer services to
the poor while making profits for the needed. All these, in front of the
serenity of loving kindness I have offered to the world, is not of importance,
for I know all is already well, and all is still going to be quite well in the days
to come.
While many people state they have to remain
still in order to meditate, I have countless actions made for the good towards
the others in my meditative status, so that I have sensed in each and every
moment, I am meditating. For all those who have claimed the importance of
self-dialogue, I have talked constantly to myself to generate so many words
written or verbalized. I am glad to be linking people with one another, and to
this day, when I think of those moments I was invited to be a secretary for
those programs guiding all the visitors from overseas coming to see Taiwan,
when we went to many scenic spots here altogether, I begin to see, from my
current viewpoint, how these foreign guests should be taken to see the
non-profit here in Taiwan at the moment, including those living in conditions
that were not like the middle class, but worse, so that people would be able to
broaden their horizons, so that they would understand different layers of
constitutions of people inside our society, something we can also do for the
other places and nations in the world.
「他們從國小教育體系把妳聘過來，是希望憑藉妳的背景，從大學的角度協助在公立學校任教的老師學習英語；但同時，他們又希望妳完全按照他們的指示行事。他們忽略了一點：除非他們聘用的是剛從大學畢業、毫無歷練的人，否則他們聘來的人一定會有自己的意志，更何況是有像妳這樣資歷的人。」
這番話出自一位與我同一個世代的主任，當時其人在某所學校的人資部門任職，大約在 2021 年我們在職場相遇。她了解我，知道我早已走上一條與眾不同的道路，而且並非一夕之間的改變。後來我們各自轉往不同的工作崗位。有一天，這位人資主管告訴我，她和她的家人希望為我曾服務過的一些人做點好事。我接受了，也按照她的請託，將她家人的捐款用在那些我認為對遠方、我曾服務過的人們而言真正重要的事情上。
透過她的捐款而進行的這些有意義的事，反映著平時我並不收取他人的金錢，也絕口不提「愛心捐款」這樣的詞彙。之所以接受這位人資主管的款項，基於兩個原因。第一，她看著我工作，了解我的為人，也明白我在海外服務工作的深度。第二，她理解我所做的事情確實重要，這也是她決定捐款的原因，而我們沒有通電話、沒有見面，就在網路上簡單通訊，完成此事。
遺憾的是，許多人永遠無法真正理解我，而我也不要求他人的理解。當人們能理解時，我便從自己的觀點出發，傳遞愛與關懷的訊息；當人們無法理解——而多年來的確如此——我也絲毫不受影響。因此，一位年長的退休女教師所說的話，其實完全正確：
「你為什麼一定要我去參加 Hope 的溫馨分享活動？」她說，「Hope
並不在乎誰的參加與否。」
這位教師說得很對，見解精闢，因為我確實不會在乎。而為什麼我不在乎？
其實很簡單——
身為教育者，我明白無論你教了學生多少，學生未必能吸收你所傳達的一切。
即使我冒著無法讓每位學生都理解我想表達內容的風險，我至少盡了全力。
幫助人也是一樣——
只有當人們意識到自己可以、並且真心誠意伸出援手時，幫助才會發生；若人們被困在自己的劇碼裡無法自拔，往往無法真正幫助他人。在這樣的情況下，如果他們覺得金錢可以解決問題，但把錢交給像我這樣的人，卻無法減輕他們自身生活中的負擔，那麼這樣的金錢，對於協助那些真正有需要的人，又有什麼意義呢？
相反地，只要有哪怕一個人說，因為與我一同為有需要的人付出，或透過以英語為工具向我學習，而改變了他/她看待世界的方式，變得更開闊、更勇敢行動，對父母手足親朋好友等等週遭之人更有耐心——坦白說，我相信這種讓人更懂得知足、感恩、付出的生命轉變，是極其珍貴的。
或許正因為我做事的方式，才讓我的人生中一而再、再而三出現奇妙的人、事、物所串連的種種際遇，令人感恩莫名。像一名主動提出要替我們安排海外行程的企業家，不但細心開始著手連絡種種繁瑣事務的處理方式——這在我的職涯中還是第一次——更令人驚訝的是下一步，她進而提議在海外舉辦音樂會，不論是純粹的、她的專業世界裡面的音樂，或者甚至較為天馬行空地、將我們在世界上較弱勢地區所做的善行轉化為演出等等，她似乎都可以接受，甚至在我寫出任何相關於她的故事時，就如我過去幾十年來的作品內容般，與其他所有人一樣並無任何意見、亦不需徵求其同意，還提議這樣的音樂會是「義演」，收益可以用在那些多年來我一直關注的、那些社群裡的人們每日人均生活費不到一美元的地區。
雖然，令我感動及感恩的，是我漸漸學習到、發現到，真正貧窮的，不見得是那些每日人均生活費不到一美元地區裡面的人，因為他們是如此樂天知命，知福惜福；簡言之，這些年來，我遇見無數的人，聽過無數的故事，體驗過世界上最富裕與最貧困地區截然不同的生活型態。我逐漸明白，真正的援助與「金錢」——這個多數人像是某種強迫病灶般視為至關重要、而從不間斷地累積的東西——其實毫無關聯。真正重要的，永遠是個人理性邏輯與內在靈魂之間的連結，是一個人與外在世界、與全人類之間的內在平和。因為我沒有在物質上面堆積的強迫病灶，所以我真誠地認為，如果真有因為和我相關而產生的任何地點、方式的「義演」，那麼，那些收入所得放在更能夠安排金錢收益的其他慈善組織使用，其實更為之佳，這樣的念頭，也就其來有自了。
「有些人甚至不明白自己為何說出某些話，而他們所說的某些話，我們這些在一旁的人，其實聽得出來，他們不是在對別人說話，而只是坐在自己的世界裡，用他們既有的方式和規格，自言自語。所以，我很懷疑為什麼有人會覺得老師妳在生氣，因為我們眼中的妳，至少是在這十幾年來，幾乎沒有動過氣……那麼，別人說妳在生氣，難道是因為他們生氣的點很容易產生，所以要把老師妳也扯進那個生氣的圈圈裡面，讓妳和其他人看起來完全一模一樣嗎?」一位學生朋友如此反思。
這樣的體悟精準得令人讚嘆，一如另一位令人佩服的深刻觀察：
「所有的事情都和人的情緒有關，如果情商高，什麼事情就都沒事了，問題是很多人認為別人負了他們、或者認為必須為別人作每件事，於是，不停處在情緒勒索他人、或被他人勒索情緒、又或在盤算如何對他人情緒勒索的過程裡面……所以每個人其實都需要心理訓練。」
再有一位說得也十分到位：
「國際的服務因為一個人必須深入到不同文又不同種的，完完全全是別人的世界裡面，可是，如果要進入別人的世界，你必須先打破自己的偏見，這是一種比較有難度的事情，所以我推斷這種公益行為會顛覆一個人原本的價值觀和處理事情的方式，而且會變得主動而正面。」
於是，就如同這一個又一個學生朋友們對我的觀察，我的行動力不斷攀升，這不是由於我比較厲害，而是在人們不由自主會躲進自己所建造出的屏障裡面的同時，身為教學者、吹哨人的我，應該在某種程度上必須仍然緩步直行，畢竟，如果連我都開始產生痛感、病態等種種負面情緒，怎麼可能把事情接續做到好呢，所以某種「只有老師妳是自始至終持續進行了這些世界性質的助人事宜」的觀察，一點不假，只是，也一樣如同大家所觀察的「一開始確實有些辛苦，因為這種事情完完全全挑戰了自己的舒適圈」，到後來可以甘之如飴的我，其實根本沒有發現或者感覺直行有所謂的「辛苦」可言……
充其量，我只是發現自己的言行舉止變成他人效法的標竿、或者某種準則，甚至在沒有組織、沒有框架、沒有薪給的狀態下，在中外都有如此慎重看待於我這個人的同時，而這種慎重我愈來愈發現從來不是模擬兩可、也不是說說而已，於是，單單就這一塊，我變成必須謹言慎行之外，還必須在「一般人會爆發到情緒失控來處理」的事件、情狀中，排除情緒給我的甘擾，做出平穩的應對。
我從來不會或不想「急於」完成一件事的主因，或者也可能和我有藝術性情有很大的關係——他人可能會花一小時完成的某件美勞、藝術作品，我可能會花上三天功夫，而做決策時，身為一個教育人，我永遠希望人們可以自己先想好一個對策，我再來加諸一些意見，接著再討論討論……是以，整個過程甚至是冗長、令「相當有效率的文明人」感到無法忍受的……
當進行著這一切我所必須關注的事情的同時，不但澄清著包括我對待每一個人的方式，我也會想起昔日同事對我說過的話：
「為了保持清醒，我們每個人每天至少喝兩杯 XXX 那家知名連鎖咖啡店的咖啡。逛街時，我們買的衣服起價大約 500 美元，而且常常如此。這些還不包括我們在化妝品上的花費……」
我從不在上述項目上花費，卻常遇到學生或學生家長——本身是企業人士——對我說：
「我們知道你在那些世界偏鄉地區工作，需要花費金錢。」
透過這些學生或學生家長，我在財務上累積了一些資源；再加上自從進入職場以來，每個月長期以來，我都不把收入揮霍在任何飲料（尤其我對咖啡因和過多人工添加物過敏）、服飾等項目上，因此自然有足夠的資源，在全球範圍內，為我所專注的人道計畫盡己所能。而我只不過是長年下來，將自己收入中的一半，取出進行我所想關懷的對象的服務，如此而已。
有些人以為，他們遇見我的那一天，就是我開始投入志願服務的第一天，所以必須「幫我解決」所有事情。然而，我內在的能量帶給我極大的平靜，告訴我事實並非如此——我周遭的一切基於我自己這幾十年下來始終如一的心態，都已成為極度安然的存有。今天，即使我失去所有辛苦賺來、其實也不算多的金錢，我心中依然保有那份尊嚴與整合，告訴自己：
「你所做的一切，很酷。」
明天，也許會有學生告訴我，他/她明白如何透過制度設計，一邊創業提供服務，一邊為有需要的人創造利潤。在我對世界所付出的慈悲與善意面前，這一切其實都不那麼重要，因為我知道，一切早已安好，而未來的日子也會同樣安好。
許多人說冥想必須靜坐不動；而我是在無數為他人行善的行動中處於冥想狀態，因此我在每一刻都感受到自己正在享受靜坐的樂趣。對於那些強調自我對話重要性的人而言，我早已不斷與自己對話，產生無數文字與言語。我樂於連結人與人。直到今日，當我回想起曾被邀請擔任那些計畫的秘書，帶領海外訪客來臺灣參訪，與他們走訪許多風景名勝時，我開始從當下的視角思考——或許我們也應該帶這些外國賓客去看看臺灣當時的非營利組織，以及那些生活條件不如中產階級、甚至更為困頓的人們，讓大家得以拓展視野，理解社會中不同階層與結構的樣貌；而這樣的事，我們同樣也可以在世界其他國家與地區實踐。
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