LEGALLY KIND 通情達理的和藹可親

Mandarin Chinese after the English is currently translated from my English to my mother tongue. I am completely confused by the standard of such a piece of translation, but due to time constraints, I will have to bear with it, which, after all, has mainly conveyed the main point I’d like to emphasize in my English words here:)

本篇中文譯本確定十分差強人意呵呵😄

預計於未來一週內逐步完成此項任務

以答謝各界的愛戴

目前敬請暫時閱讀網路所譯的精簡版本^^至少感謝有這樣的方式，大抵上可以將有限的概念予以傳輸出來

說到底……

為何Hope那麼愛書寫呀⋯⋯

A PART OF THE WORK THIS TIME: TO VISIT VENDORS AT A LOCAL, TRADITIONAL MARKET BY SHARING WITH AND SENDING THEM THE SOME CARE AND WARMTH

本次的一個工作重點：

來到服務所在地的市場與小販們分享來自台灣朋友的愛心與關懷

本篇英語在前、中文在後，目前字數8980但應該是中文沒能親力親為而造成字數較「少」；中文暫藉網路翻譯軟件功能而譯，並未進行任何中文方面潤飾--此項工程亦將耗時費力，擬未來有機會再行完成。謝謝。

 

 

 

Prelude

“I can guarantee, ET (=English Teacher), EVERY PERSON has gained something this time, although a few of them never said a word.” My student told me when evaluating the values of this journey ended by people from my culture brave enough to embrace another form of tourism where they gently opened up to tackle issues unfamiliar to them.

 

 

I just smiled and nodded.

 

 

Many things are written down on people’s face, their body language, something which cannot be described. Such was the reason when I hugged them goodbye at the airport, sending them off to our own homeland for the Lunar New Year so they could have an amazing reunion with their family members, I felt so happy for them I had to cry: it’s through one’s revolutionary steps taken that a person evolves into a better human being who is capable to laugh and love more righteously!

 

 

 

 

 

 

About My Last Phase Of My Education Received So Far In An Educational Setting

 

Looking back, the best thing about my education received overseas after I had had much work experience is about “FRAMES.” Back then, I already taught people, young and old, English, before I applied any universities overseas. When one had a career like that, peppered with other career paths like working as a cabin crew, inside a foreign company as someone to be trained as a top manager, when I looked at those teaching me in that university in the UK, same as my classmates who, mostly, had work experiences in the field of education if they’re not those graduated from the universities just then, I had my own criterion defining who could be “classified” as well cultivated educators. Putting this personal pride and prejudice aside, with our own unique ideologies, we congregated there, we learned, and we learned at frameworks where the norms I knew before that experience in the culture where I originally from never did exist: simply due to the fact that at this “brand-new place,” there was no frame to learn things. Consequently, at first, I felt like I was carefree, for when you were expected to find your own answers in the vast amounts of information available at that library system where every single book published in English throughout the history of mankind could be accessed, located, and read, you literally were overwhelmed by the magnitude of information you needed to absorb.

 

 

Or not.

 

 

Therefore, for quite a while, I could not figure out I should find more materials to read, to understand, to process, to produce my own ideas, since, unlike my experience of being a student who was given books, textbooks in particular, to read, memorize, and be tested, there was no such “FRAMES” possible—yes, there could be a question raised in the classroom, yet, to locate the depths of that question and to interpret the possible answers behind that question would be a learner’s own doing—at least that was what I had realized there, and there’re countless questions raised or to be raised by any one, professors, lecturers, students, residents, other faculty members and alike. Without former experiences in raising questions in classroom settings, where I merely knew we needed to “respect the teachers and shut our mouth,” or, as a teacher myself, to be “lecturing without so many interactions with the students in order not to ‘waste their time and money.’”

 

 

Such discrepancies to recognize different sides of “education” become the reasons why, at first when I was educated in the UK for my postgraduate degree, my identity as a “student again” chose not to look into matters of importance in my own discipline under the umbrella of the department of education. This, after many years of realizing certain matters of importance, significance, not when they took place in one’s life, but knowing well the real clarification comes by and by, I more or less concluded that the “practice” at those moments when I just arrived there in the UK, being bewildered in the colossal incoming knowledge “professionally speaking,” as a student, I faced my most daunting task, that I would need to fail several tests hitting me hard. In those tests, even in the eyes of several British businessmen I met by pure chance and luck, “picky questions” leading to nowhere were listed for us students to “analyze.” One of them even commented,

“Darling, why don’t you give it all up to work for us? After all, those so called famous universities only torture ‘elites’ over there by having people become as those with their nose up in the air just like them!”

 

 

With my tuition fees paid 1/3 at the moment, and with almost every penny saved by myself in order to reach there, I thought about how I could get myself out there without driving myself psychologically disoriented like a few of my peers there were apparently suffering from, when there were merely questions for you to think, find answers of your own, and produce your own concepts out of all those questions making you feel you’re submerged into endless inquiries related to your discipline: these were extremely exotic ideas for a foreign student like me who had even brought with her those textbooks she used before when she was in her homeland as a college student, all the way to risk the overloading of my luggage but wished not to pay excessively so she would have to beg those transferring or taking the airplane to the UK, at this sweetest city in her eyes, KUL, abbreviated as if she’d need to do the same to just shrink her own identity so her suitcases, bags of books etc. would disappear with her at the same time, where fellow travelers were kind enough to share her “goods” carried, all the way until she was standing there, finally arrived, with all her “personal belongings” piling up near her college where she would have to report herself… “Perhaps these books will be needed.” She thought when she stepped outside that unfortunate cab, in which the driver with Indian origin laughed with dignity about her “predicament.” From that time until the end of the first term, Christmas to be exact, I was on the top of the world; I went to the vast school library system to immerse myself into countless books about art, which I have enjoyed tremendously, thinking whether I read ideas, theories, and contents in relation to those questions connected to my own discipline is something no one would know.

 

 

After those nightmares arrived to reveal that I got F in the majority of the tests which could block my chance of earning that degree, I subsequently came to a brief conclusion that I would have to save myself by finding ways to handle this mess. Even when later on, I was away from all these troubles, unlike a few of my classmates who’re even native speakers of English who’re truly flunk in their theses, or dissertations, or least that would fall into the category of “…rumors had it that ‘those individuals’ were not okay after their papers were submitted…,” earning my degree on time and in time due to the assistances made by one or two of my very good friends who shared with me how to handle such tests in their culture, in their educational settings, or who went for me handling those rigid routine works such as making a copy of this and/or that when I was choking, literally speaking, there was one crucial lesson I had learned:

 

There are many, many standards in the world; what we deem as standards would be viewed as completely non-sense in another world which is also on this planet Earth.

 

 

 

 

 

 

About Raising Questions On The Roads Taken

Based on this notion, I gradually understand that I could have had one purpose of my existence, and how I attain that purpose is with thousands of paths taken to reach that destination and the only thing I need to do is to keep forging ahead, like reading those countless books in that library system there, back when I was a postgraduate student, when tourists, insurmountable amount of them, would go every single day to take photos of: there are even libraries within that world-famous construction where people posed in front of cameras somewhere tourists perhaps would not know when they’re in that university city. When I had the privilege to be flipping through the pages of books inside that library system in which merely the students of that university could have utilized, applied, and entered, during those moments, I grasped the concept of making a difference since I was that “lucky,” that I would have to feed the world with answers I have found, with my best demeanor and capability, with the best question I could have raised out of all those mess and the tides to turn the mess off.

 

 

Thus, my more in-depth humanitarian actions were initiated. However, I could not state that simple that it was completely due to any of the education I had received at one point, as, after all, it was an accumulation of many elements involved; nor could I say it was a part of my career path leading to my probing into the “poverty” issues that patiently unfolding itself in front of me after I kept digging for more answers. Somehow, the combinations of all these factors contribute to my deeds that are completely different from many who have known me, and many whom I have known.

 

 

Putting things this way: making the world a better place is like a vow I have made with the universe itself which there is no need for too many explanations along the way even when I am again and again asked by many about

“Why do you do what you do?”

 

 

For all those Africans who have told me “Sorry, we are late,” I understand though I might have waited for days or weeks for one single meeting, and on that meeting, people would be late for up to two, three hours, I would just wait; meanwhile, I would work on other things, either with others on-site if situations allow, or I would work in my own philosophy and/or mindset regarding my next move. These go to the ways I train myself: to me, TIME does not really need to be existence anymore. For a person like me who works not truly for salaries, promotions, or any related frameworks, TIME matters only when it’s the right moment to take a flight and I’d better be quick so I would not miss the flight, or something strictly noted in a framework with its own specific rules I need to follow. In my career path to generate assistances for those who are financially, psychologically in need or both, for an exquisite matter or mission to be completed, anywhere in the world where I have been to and served, often, TIME would not play that significant role, but all the other qualities like sincerity, tenderness, patience, frugality, integrity and so on do, while all these qualities are without any frames. They are invisible but tangible.

 

 

With this kind of attitude, when people have not experienced what I have experienced, when they have received certain norms contradictory to my practices, for example, when they tell me

“It’s time!”

 

“Don’t waste time on these things!”

 

or the like, immediately I would know that they are used to be framed by some specific structures which they have the tendency to follow, that with key indicators, with performances evaluated, to take another example, they can be promoted to earn more.

 

 

With much respect to such norms as a result of certain frames, I value those, yet shall I carry those frames of such people’s with me when I make contact with those living in remote places of the world, for instance, I may not be able to achieve the mutual collaborative grounds with those who are, again, from a completely different framework, for I would appear to be too rigid, too goal-oriented, too demanding in front of these people who have their own rhythms of life which I know I need to highly respect.

 

 

Indeed, with my part of that respect to all parties applied, when I am situated at various of frames, with maybe no central, common ground, magical moments and incredible incidences take place, like meeting some people of different skin colors but right away, we begin chatting with each other through some very philosophical issues—at least it would be my humble wish that we do understand each other quite well. Whether this leads to what forms of consequences, those can, most of the time, only be good ones as there’re no transactions, performance indicators involved. The interactions often may only be to offer another viewpoint of looking at the world, of dissecting the core meaning of traveling, and to learn, to keep leaning. In my part, that learning never comes to an end, as I have discovered that I can keep learning until I can treat every person like those whom I have worked with, as my true family members, for when I am treated by many, say, in Asia and Africa, as a part of their families, I really cannot just walk away from what I have been doing, when every single gesture of mine carries a part of the history from where I have been, what I have done, and who I have talked to. As lovely as this frame can be, it only leads to its frameless style that I never anticipated when I started this journey to help as many as I can.

 

 

Of course, those frames I used to be at could be environments once anyone steps into, the tide never changes, that people would keep chasing after fame and fortune, fortune and fame, like riding roller coasters which guarantee that excitement to be higher and higher never comes to an end. For me, though, the sheer reasons of me being there at such an educational frame emitting its intelligence and strengths to whoever receiving that frame resulted me to be daring enough to choose something special, odd even, whereas to be one of the most “idealistic” candidates in my then airlines flying international routes not merely as a flight attendant but with the wish from the airlines itself to recruit me, through being a flight attendant, to be at the management team on the ground to help the airlines generate better profits in the days to come, contrasting to all these glamourous appearances that I needed to conquer my own monsters inside, growing from my own story of life during those years, and when I saw how other certain cabin crew, dressed handsomely or prettily, discriminated people with all sorts of “issues” in their eyes, passengers or other crew members being too noisy, too dark, too dirty, too old, too young, too this and that, and so on, I could sense I was fortunate enough to have no such traits to talk behind people’s backs. More importantly, I found I had that grace and serenity that I would like to do more for the others, as if I were compensating the “luxuries” I had had during all those years, for example, to be recognized by the majority of passengers I had the pleasure to serve, to be more charming and capable compared with the others, and the like: in a way, I was trying to answer the question a fellow female competitor shouted to me with when we were interviewed to be recruited by the particular airlines I used to work inside,

 

“This is not fair!  Why did we have to be the ones making you more prominent than us?

Who are you?  Why did the interviewers only talk to you?

Are those interviewers blind?  Why could they not see how pretty we are compared to you?

Why could they not see there’re so many of us who’re more qualified than you?”

 

 

Instead of feeling more arrogant than ever that the one shouting at me never got the job, I went to the opposite direction—talking about human behaviors! Not to fail the appreciation towards me at that particular airlines during the interview sessions, where a few of their employees would have small talks with me about what I should pay attention to in the next selection procedure, and until the end, I was told by the chief employer that this person had never seen anyone with my experiences applying for any job in that airlines governing by her. By the time I left for my formal, government-hired teacher training courses, I still was not aware of the scopes of the trainings that airline had offered, for it would be years later, combined with my experiences in UK for that postgraduate degree, that my classmates of different skin colors used to say to me,

“Girl, you are our age, our peer, but it’s like you’ve run a lifetime of experiences already!”

 

 

I began to understand all these soul-enriching phases of my life were for me to do more for the others, to inspire those whom I have encountered, and to instill that hope in each and every person who comes my way or not, as I have slowly comprehended that sometimes I do not need to see people face to face, that they can be hopeful just by listening to my story, and that altogether, we make the world a better place.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Purpose Of Education

By the time any institute hiring me to teach them whatever parts of me that I can offer, subject-wise or philosophy of life-wise, I feel that I am always there to help people conquer their fears in facing the monsters inside them, be those interpersonal issues, communication issues and so on; I would have focused more on helping each and every person step outside his/her comfort zones via holding my frames, my perspectives gearing towards making anyone coming across my way better people. Again and again, I need to express I am not managing anything or anyone; I am simply showing people, from the angle of education, what can be done in our lives as we are all with tremendous amounts of potential and energy. This core concept makes my decision-making process looks rather sluggish, for I enjoy listening to every party’s voices, and I wish people would be able to find common grounds themselves. Of course, this is not easy, especially when there’s a group of people gathered together for their soul-enriching trips. Nonetheless, I keep practicing things this way, hoping that by the lenses of each individual, regardless of those lenses be with bias, a harmonious worldview can be embedded into every person’s mind, leading everyone to be heathier in the mind, body, and soul.

 

 

Believing in education put inside rather different frames, I also find that the ways I describe my own stories become different. The best part is through altruistic thoughts and actions taken, like what empirical studies have revealed, I have discovered other ways of narrating my own story, or stories, when diluted into smaller pieces; in return, this affects the ways I interact with people. The more in-depth I have come into terms of serving the others, the species worldwide I go to, the world gives me more tenderness and grace I could never have expected: all these lead me to be more generous, knowing that if people have all these experiences combined, people may want to be doing similar things like I do, but since people may have not tasted the pleasure and bitterness of life the ways I have, and at the same time they are still handling their bitterness and pleasures so that they may not have the leisure to see the world through the ways I see it, I wonder why it is impossible that I go out there to treat everyone like my own. This way, at least, those whom I have met, whom I have treated as my own family members may be aware we can all look at this world with kindness both in ideology and in actions taken, knowing that, certainly, not everyone would feel that I am a part of his/her family by and large.

 

 

In a way, I want to frame myself into a frameless structure where I still would be able to do something, anything, to this global village where most of us may not consider about our joint future prospects since we keep wasting, squandering and spending too much. Moreover, I am forever testing myself that though I have left those places where I was valued, like a world-class airline or institute, I would like to see whether I have truly made my life to be as worthwhile as possible, not only to deserve to be there, but also to truly make a difference through my very silent actions generating more graces for many who can never take an airplane, see another country, go to a world-class university, and so on.

 

 

With much gratitude, my appreciation to life has come to a ground that I do not really mind my own gender, race, age, skin color, nor do I mind those who I have encountered, as I sense we are all that oneness which makes us holy and grand, splendid and super. It is as though I am marching with all the others for those metamorphoses to be heroes/heroines who can then generate more heroes/heroines defeating the most destructive monsters sitting there inside us, lurking and mocking at us. Unlike what a student friend of mine mentioned, that my throat became coarse after a group of people from Taiwan journeyed with me to Indonesia as a result of “the elderly need more explanation and pampering,” I feel that cross generations, at least perhaps in our culture only, few really bother to make the cross-generation communications smoother, with every party wishing to hide something, not to be frank enough, believing by doing so, arguments, misunderstanding, and untrust would surface. Since issues should not be tackled these ways, a joint, mild and peaceful ground seems difficult to locate, resulting the fact as if everyone suffers from the traumatic symptoms handed down through generations. Instead of persuading and/or arguing with the older generation in this particular group to Indonesia about this and that, therefore, I believe I am acting as a mediator in between generations, across cultures, with the most humble wish to make everyone as peaceful as possible, so when we’re trying to find that common ground, it was not merely to please anyone, any particular group and/race at all, but also to make everyone not suffering from physical and psychological symptoms such as high blood pressure and/or insomnia.

 

 

For each and every reason behind people’s misjudging others’ goodwill, I see that I may be doing so from time to time. When I feel that part of misunderstanding was from marks established long, long time ago, left inside the memory, I know I can be the one doing the same thing. When there’re unfinished exchanges of ideas, I am aware I may just be like that. When people cannot be persuaded with a decision that can be beneficial, I know I can be anyone of them who does not want to be persuaded. Indeed, I see myself in everyone, as if I am a part of them, even with a teenager of a different race showing his perplexed feelings while spending time with us.

 

 

Through everyone’s own reasoning of interpreting things, at one point mentioning this thing came too slow, too this and that, those from my parts of the world, all of a sudden, I see my father in the same picture, asking me, like what he has done many, many years ago when he first comprehended I would like to make such journeys of assisting the needed worldwide,

 

“Why do you have to do this?

Will there be any results?

What if there’ll be no results, these things you’re doing?”

 

 

Sensing his frustrations and seeing me situated inside this frameless structure I had put myself in but difficult to verbalize yet, with no outcome at all during those years, I now understand even more clearly, that it must be tough, like for all those whom I have interacted this time during the journey, who’re older than me, to see what I have seen and to understand what I have come to understand. Like my own blood, these people caring about me, the things I have done, enough to participate in such a journey which they did not know what to expect, seemed to apply the same form of emotion, like that of my parents, when they’re facing me.

 

“It’s too tiresome if you have to do this. Why do you not choose an easier way to welcome your life like the others do? Let the others handle such trivial stuff for you, this arranging this and that thing, this coming and going thing, all these…”

 

 

The thing is, there are so many items in this world that cannot be measured by promotions and better income, frames set by many, many worldwide in different parties in the public and/or private sectors, like the depths of the heart, the things we do, and the purposes we aim at. When I, a person forsaking the wealth tangible to me but walking onto paths different from the majority, I do not seek arguments but understanding, that form of middle ground requiring me to keep explaining things for everyone to understand, until I finally lost, temporarily, my voice.

 

 

And when my vocal cord healed during those moments when I had enough rest, I came across a person from the UK inviting me to visit her and her “community.” By the time of talk reached only around 10 mins or so, when she says “You can recruit some people to travel with you from Scotland (where I am).” I realize it is never the person who I am persuading the universe to do something, anything for me. It is always that care bestowed upon me making the others realize that even in a few minutes talk, they see that light shone thorough me, representing the others, all of them whom I have met, who have taught me more lessons of appreciation, of gratitude, of love, of kindness, which I previously was not aware of.

 

 

Indeed, I will be in the UK, a nation in the past months I’ve been talking about as I truly miss that nation quite a lot, particularly after the remark “Those politicians could have done better” was made after I put the inquiry of EU and UK in between our exchange of ideas, this lady and me, I mean.

 

 

Anyhow, through all these individuals who used to be strangers but currently treating me as their good friends, family members, or we’ve not known each other, I see pieces of all the people, including myself, in them. Likewise, through all these family members of mine, young and old, the deceased and the living, I see countless faces I have been having the pleasure to know, to see, to interact, and to discuss ideas far and beyond my original intelligence, which, after being stirred by them, has come to new horizons unknown to me in the past. With such serenity and grace, I appreciate all these interventions into my life as I have long ago put myself as a piece of experimental material, for the particles of mine to be tested, researched, retested, and reinvestigated again and again via all the variously dispersed and different channels to reshape and reconduct my life as a forever revolutionary piece of material that no longer attach to anywhere, anyone, or any item only, but to be attached to anywhere, anyone, and any item. In me, there is no good or bad, no sadness or rapture. Everything comes through me to pronounce the word, in the name of care, warmth, and love, while every element pouring out of me, be them words, thoughts, actions and all combined, are also with care, warmth, and love.

 

 

I have no idea why I have become this ever since the time I have stepped away from the desires of holding anything material and/or title-wise but that only title as an educator; I can now, however, answer that doubt the student of mine put in front of me:

“Why do we make money for the others to use?”

 

 

Well, we have gained so much as we go through this process which we refer to as life. We’re fortunate enough to be born by our fascinating parents. Later, as we have been through many incidences big and small, we naturally would carry with us many emotions. When we learn how to master our emotions, making it possible for us to sing in our even the most destructive emotions, and to come out of those emotions trapping us, making us believe that the others have never done us wrong, that we do share such responsibilities to generate a better tomorrow for all of us as a whole, we go away from many of the phantoms which would have trapped us. Subsequently, I see the young in the old, and I see the old in the young ones. I sense our common grounds to make things better, so for each and every possible argument, there is always some certain mercy to make everything as correct as ever. For all the words I need to speak up, it would be like to return my parents’ care to me by answering,

 

’’Yes, I am aware I should not eat that much oil rice which I like, especially before flying overseas, as they my be too crowded in my stomach, making me uncomfortable;

 

Yes, I should not have made my whole body stung by unknown bugs somewhere afar because they enjoy my flesh too much by the time I sleep in the huts made by cow dung or bamboos;

 

Yes, it would be really exhausting to be with a bunch of people who have never done this kind of traveling before;

 

Yes, I am banning my head towards the walls based on all these responsibilities I am shouldering…etc…etc…etc.”

 

 

For a thousand times in a thousand ways, I notice the others’ care for me, even voices from my own students who, through the years, have spent so much time with me, and for a thousand times when I use my coarse voice to explain things, seeking people would be able to find mutual grounds themselves, I find that sheer amount of kindness circulating among those whom I have met, gently guiding us through every tough moment, like I have always experienced from the past until right now.

 

 

Usually, before every journey taken, I would leave my will to one or two of the voluntary students whom I have worked with for quite a long time. The will would be simple, that I wish to leave my assets to those whom I love, and I love the world. Every time when I do so, one or two of them, especially those students of mine who met me when they’re practically older than me, used to tell me that it is odd that someone as young as I am (compared to them) would be thinking about this sort of thing. To me, though, life is a way or a road to make things happen in a blink of an eye that paves better tomorrows for my fellow humanity and those species around us. It does not matter how long or how short I have lived, for after all these frames and frameless arrangements, we are so light that our souls soar high, we dance with the wind, and we come back to this earth to interact with all that appear in our lives peacefully, lovingly, and wonderfully. As daunting as the projects worldwide I must handle can be, like this time, according to one of my students, the participants visiting the land of wonder with us are too old and too young, yet, I do not see things that way, for in a sense, I myself feel quite young and very old at the same time, so I can be any of them.

 

 

When I am talking to someone, anyone, I feel the tension of molecules around us forming a circle of framework telling me whether in that blink of an eye, whether the picture is a cute, or a cute but ugly one. Since there is only a fine line in between, I would laugh and love when I say words that help to frame the frames better, and I bet those around me feel that intention, too, for constantly I have heard people saying the following words to me.

 

“How can you stay positive under such circumstance(s)?”

 

 

You see, it is hard to be not positive when altruism is the anchor of my life. The more loving-kindness I have practiced, the more I feel every person is a part of me, my experiences, and vice versa. That is why most of the time, I feel we are able to make one frame after another, to be as calm and at ease as possible. It is through all these practices that I do not feel burdened at all when people are following me to places, meandering their own tasks and purposes. After all, I am merely a mediator linking all the elements for people to savor, until they also find their own frames to frame their thoughts, behaviors, and souls into the framework(s) they like. Maybe I am the catalyst, or maybe I am merely a pure form of energy propelling them to reject the monsters in their mind.

 

 

Have I earned it, that I used to work at here and there, that I graduated from which and which institute? I guess those titles cannot compete with the thankfulness I would like to express to all those who have come across my way, who have helped me to lighten my soul, like those ones appearing in my life quite a while ago to guide me through the acquisition of my English ability, and the ones who have offered me so much when the seemingly chance encounters offer me the opportunity to hear their stories of serving the others voluntarily and so on.

 

 

All in all, in the next six months or so, my journeys will bring me to Malaysia, the UK, and perhaps also east Africa or Indonesia again. Perhaps you’d also like to give this kind of journey a try so that you can help to train me to be a better educator?

 

 

 

 

 

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前言

旅程結束時，我的學生對我說：

「我可以保證，英語老師，這次每一個人都有收穫，就算有些人沒有說出來。」

這是一趟由和我同文化背景的人參與的旅行。他們願意嘗試不同形式的旅遊方式，也願意面對自己不熟悉的議題。

我只是微笑、點頭。

很多事情其實可以從一個人的表情和肢體語言看出來，但很難用言語描述。
在機場和他們擁抱道別時，我送他們回家過農曆新年，和家人團聚。我替他們感到高興，也因為高興而流淚。

我認為，一個人會因為做出突破性的行動而改變，變成更成熟、更懂得去愛和去笑的人。

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關於我目前最後一段求學經歷

回頭看，在有了多年工作經驗後再出國讀書，對我影響最大的是「框架」這個概念。

在申請國外大學之前，我已經教過不同年齡層的人英文。我也做過其他工作，例如空服員，以及在外商公司接受高階管理培訓。因此，當我在英國那所大學讀書時，看著教我的教授、講師，以及多數有教育經驗的同學，我心裡其實有一套標準，去判斷什麼樣的人算是合格或成熟的教育者。

先不談我個人的主觀標準。我們帶著各自的理念聚在那裡學習，但那裡的學習方式和我原本熟悉的教育文化很不同。

在那個新環境裡，沒有明確的學習框架。

一開始我反而覺得輕鬆，因為你必須自己去找答案。圖書館系統裡有大量英文書籍可以查閱。面對那麼多資料，你會發現自己需要吸收的資訊非常龐大。

但實際上，我有一段時間不知道該怎麼做。我不確定自己是不是應該找更多資料來讀、來理解、來整理、再提出自己的想法。

因為我以前當學生時，老師會給課本，尤其是指定教材，你只要讀、背、考試就好。但在那裡，沒有這樣的框架。

課堂上會有人提出問題，但要怎麼深入理解問題、怎麼解釋可能的答案，都是學生自己的責任。教授、學生或其他人都會提問，而且問題很多。

過去的我在課堂上習慣「尊重老師、保持安靜」。當我自己當老師時，也習慣以講課為主，減少互動，因為覺得那樣比較有效率。

正因為這些差異，剛開始在英國念研究所時，我並沒有真正深入思考自己專業領域裡的重要議題。

多年後我才明白，那段時間其實是我人生很大的挑戰。

剛到英國時，我面對大量專業知識感到困惑。幾次考試都成績很差，甚至拿到 F，這可能會影響我拿學位。

有一次，一位英國商人半開玩笑地對我說：

「乾脆放棄吧，來我們這裡工作。那些名校只是折磨所謂的精英，把他們變得很自傲。」

當時我已經繳了三分之一學費，幾乎所有費用都是自己存的。我必須想辦法撐下去，而不是像有些同學那樣承受巨大心理壓力。

在那裡，很多考試都是開放式問題，要自己分析，沒有標準答案。對我這種來自不同教育文化的學生來說，是很陌生的方式。

我甚至把在家鄉讀大學時的課本帶去英國，行李超重，還請其他旅客幫忙分擔重量。我站在學校門口時，心裡還想：「也許這些書會用得到。」

第一學期到聖誕節前，我其實過得很開心。我常去圖書館讀藝術類的書，也很享受閱讀的過程。至於和專業問題相關的書，我讀了多少，其實沒有人知道。

直到成績公布，我發現大部分科目不及格，才意識到情況嚴重。

我必須想辦法解決這個問題。

後來在一兩位好朋友的幫助下，我學會如何應對那種考試方式。他們告訴我在那種教育體系下應該怎麼寫、怎麼思考，也在我壓力很大時幫我處理一些瑣事。

最後我順利在期限內完成學位。也有一些母語是英文的同學論文沒有通過。

那段經歷讓我學到一件事：

這個世界上有很多不同的標準。
在一個地方被認為理所當然的標準，在另一個地方可能完全沒有意義。

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關於教育的目的

當有機構聘請我去教書，不論是教專業科目或分享人生觀，我都認為自己的角色是幫助人面對內心的問題，例如人際關係、溝通困難等等。我會鼓勵他們走出舒適圈，用我自己的觀點和方式去幫助他們成為更好的人。

我並不是在管理誰，我只是從教育的角度示範：我們的人生其實可以怎麼做。每個人都有很大的潛力和能量。

因為我習慣聽各方的意見，也希望大家自己找到共識，所以我做決定看起來會比較慢。尤其是一群人一起參與成長型旅行時，要讓大家都能找到平衡並不容易。但我還是選擇這樣做，希望每個人都能從自己的角度出發，最後形成比較和諧的世界觀，讓身心狀態更健康。

我相信教育可以放在不同的框架裡。當我用利他的方式去思考和行動時，我發現自己講故事的方式也改變了。我把自己的人生經驗拆解開來說，這也影響了我和別人的互動。

當我越深入地服務他人、去不同國家接觸不同人，我反而感受到更多溫柔與善意。這讓我變得更願意付出。我知道不是每個人都走過我走過的路，也不是每個人都經歷過我經歷過的酸甜苦辣。他們可能還在處理自己的人生，沒有空用我的角度看世界。所以我更覺得，我可以主動用家人的方式對待別人。即使不是每個人都會把我當家人，但至少我能先這樣對待他們。

某種程度上，我想把自己放在一個「沒有框架」的框架裡。世界上很多人只顧著消耗和追求利益，卻很少思考我們共同的未來。我想看看，即使我離開那些重視頭銜與地位的地方，我的人生是否仍然有價值。不只是因為我曾經待過那些地方，而是因為我真的為那些無法出國、無法讀名校的人做了些事情。

現在的我，不太在意性別、種族、年齡或膚色。我覺得我們本質上是一體的。我希望每個人都能成為對抗內在破壞性情緒的人。

有學生說我帶團後喉嚨變沙啞，是因為長輩需要更多解釋和照顧。我覺得跨世代溝通本來就不容易。很多人習慣隱瞞想法，怕衝突、誤會或不信任。但問題如果不面對，只會一直延續。與其和長輩爭論，我選擇做世代之間的協調者，希望大家都能平和一些，減少心理壓力。

我也知道，人會誤解別人的善意。我自己有時候也會這樣。很多誤解來自過去留下的記憶或經驗。當有人無法被說服時，我知道自己也可能是那樣的人。

有時我看到年輕人，就想到長輩；看到長輩，也想到年輕時的樣子。我父親曾經問我：

「為什麼一定要做這些？會有結果嗎？如果沒有結果呢？」

現在我更能理解他的擔心。對很多比我年長的人來說，很難理解我選擇的生活方式。他們會覺得太辛苦，為什麼不選一條比較輕鬆的路。

但世界上很多事情，不能用升遷或收入衡量。內心的深度、做事的動機，都不是這些標準能衡量的。我放棄了一些可以得到的財富，選擇不同的路。我不想爭辯，只希望彼此理解。只是有時候我為了解釋清楚，反而讓自己失聲。

後來有一次，我聲音恢復時，遇到一位英國女性邀請我去她的社群看看。聊了十分鐘，她就說我可以帶人從蘇格蘭一起旅行。我才明白，不是我在向宇宙要求什麼，而是當我真誠對待別人時，自然會有人回應。

我很想念英國。那次和她聊到歐盟與英國的問題時，她說「政治人物本來可以做得更好」。

無論如何，這些原本是陌生人的人，如今把我當朋友或家人。我也在他們身上看到自己的影子。我把自己當作一個實驗體，不斷被各種經驗重塑。我不再只屬於某個地方或某個身份，而是能連結到不同的人和環境。

我不知道為什麼，在放下對物質和頭銜的執著後，我會變成這樣。但我現在可以回答學生問我的問題：

「為什麼我們賺錢給別人用？」

因為在人生過程中，我們已經得到很多。我們有父母，有經驗，有情緒。當我們學會管理情緒，不再被負面情緒困住，就能看到我們其實有責任一起讓未來更好。

我也知道別人關心我。出國前，我會把遺囑交給信任的學生。我希望我的財產留給我愛的人，而我愛這個世界。有些年紀比我大的學生會覺得奇怪，為什麼我這麼年輕就想這些。但我覺得人生隨時可能結束，所以要把事情準備好。

無論生命長或短，我都希望能為世界帶來一點改變。即使任務很困難，團員年齡差距很大，我也不覺得那是問題。因為我覺得自己同時很年輕，也很老。

當有人問我：

「妳怎麼在這種情況下還能保持正面？」

我的回答是：
當利他成為生活核心，就很難變得負面。

我只是做一個連結者，讓大家找到自己的方式。也許我是催化劑，也可能只是推動別人前進的一股力量。

最後，未來半年我會去馬來西亞、英國，也可能去東非或印尼。

如果你願意，也可以嘗試這樣的旅程。也許在這過程中，你會幫助我成為更好的教育者。

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