完璧歸趙 OPUS OF OUR HISTORY
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反思 REFLECTION(S)
When someone from our past comes to us, is this person
trying to kidnap us psychologically? This term, “psychological kidnapping,” is
something I still need to work on to find out from under which circumstances
and which era it was created. Whereas there must be situations where the
application of such a term is justifiable, it can be quite subjective when such
a term is utilized to describe any human relation at all, for many relations
are formed by arbitrary intentions which may not be beneficial at the very beginning.
如果有一個我們在過去認識的人，踏雪尋梅穿過時光隧道，在今天找到了我們，這個突然在我們生活當中衍生出的新角色，是否「情緒綁架」了我們呢?
對於「情緒綁架」整個詞彙和時代背景並不了解的我，但覺此詞彙也許在某些場合完全合情合理，然而，它卻也是一個極為主觀的詮釋，尤其對於那些初始並看不出任何良質走向的人際關係，更是一個可能摧毀朝向正面發展的互動關係的詞彙或者認知，最主要的是「綁架」這個詞彙聽來並不悅耳，直接的連想和金錢掛勾，那麼當別人被「情緒綁架」這樣的詞彙所冠上，但又不在律法的範疇當中，它可不可能是一種道德上的淪喪?
這種非黑即白的事情或者讓人頭痛不已。
For example, based on the relation described in “Have a Little
Faith,” would the rabbi’s request to the author of writing an eulogy for the
rabbi himself not in the category of psychological kidnapping, since the rabbi could
have manipulated the author’s talents in words and reputation by forming a sentimental
relationship resulting from the memory of a religious belief the author no
longer spent time upon?
舉例而言，在Have
a Little Faith這本書裡面，對於作者提出希望其能替自己寫一段祭文的牧師，不也運用著作者從小認識他的背景，以及作者的才情和名聲，「情緒綁架」作者來為他「效力」?
Hence, my presumption is that when the terminology “psychological
kidnapping” was created, scientists look at people as they can only be so sick
mentality-wise; as a result, any forms of human relations linking people to
have subjectively “bad” feelings at the moment can be referred to as the individual
is kidnapped psychologically. Furthermore, under all the cases such
psychological counsellors, psychiatrists or psychological therapists would have
to treat, these related scientists are already burdened by the many forms of
people’s mental illnesses, leading to their conclusion that no one can cause
the others to have some emotional upheavals out of good intentions, hence the
birth of this term, psychological kidnapping.
就此，我個人的假說是當「情緒綁架」一詞被科學家提出時，科學家們忽視了正向心理學從零度心理狀態往上看待的角度，而直接從零度心理狀態往負面察查。
在此同時，心理醫師、心理治療師、諮商師等等所處理的個案，絕大多數都有著令這些處理者亦感無力的情狀，對他們而言，要相信當人促使他人的心理產生變動、甚至混亂感，有可能全然來自正面而良好的動機，非常困難，因此，他們的假說便是：一旦有人在情緒上受到甘擾乃至產生起伏，那麼，就極有可能是他們在人際關係中歷經了他人的情緒失控，例如像是被他人情緒綁架一般。
Certainly these are only my presumptions, for I have not
researched anything or whatsoever regarding the phrase “psychological kidnapping.”
Simply, I am disturbed by the burst of such a term in people’s daily lives
since I truly wonder reasons for people’s not trusting each other, that there
can be people who truly purely would like to do things for the other people,
asking for no returns. In addition, I would wonder how deeply wounded those
people stating such a phrase of “psychological kidnapping” are—imagine a parent
coining his or her child as being kidnapping him/her psychologically. Based on
such a definition, that child, despite of his/her age, can really do something
nasty in the end because to start with, his/her parent does not believe that it
is due to certain clinging of emotional attachment causing the child to want to
be close to his/her parent.
當然，上述均是我個人的推測，畢竟我從來沒有研究過關於「情緒綁架」的相關論述及議題，我想，我只是被人們可以如此陷入對他人情感表達方式之不信任，乃至於必須用「情緒綁架」這幾個字來界定他人的行為模式，而感到震驚不已。
在此同時，我也對於那些會用「情緒綁架」四個字界定他人的人們，他們自己內心所受的傷或者他們所陷入的焦著狀態，深感同情及不捨。
我們只需要想像在一個親子關係之中，怎樣的父母會定義他們的孩子在「情緒綁架」他們，就不難想像基於這一個聽來駭人的說法，孩子會受到怎樣的傷害，父母又會因為孩子的受傷而怎樣在情緒的漩渦當中難以自拔。
I understand by arguing this case, we will wind up going into
the debate of whether chickens or eggs come first. I do not intend to go into
such an argument. Merely, I would like to state that there can be many gestures
from the human societies that are based on pure care and love, nothing else. If
this cannot be true, I do not think the writer of this book, Have a Little
Faith, would sit down to know more about a person who was getting older, his
rabbi, letting alone another man of God, a pastor who ran a pathetically less
fortunate church.
對於上述論點可能落入「到底先有雞還先有蛋」的無解辯述一事，我心知肚明。我想，提出這樣的議題不外乎只有一個核心思想或者價值：
這個世上有人可以全然出於良善的角度，為他人付出。
如果這個核心思想有誤，在這本Have
a Little Faith的書籍中，我們就只能看到作者如何利用兩位牧師成名，年老的牧師又如何利用年輕的作者，讓世人有效記住他，別無其他。
換句話說，正是基於如此的核心思想或者價值，我們才能欣賞人與人透過歲月的連結、事件的相逢，而形成純淨美好的故事與交融。
Realizing all these, I created the melody with those words. After
my creation of them, in both Mandarin Chinese and English, I spent quite a few
hours thanking all the good things I have in my life. I believe it is my will
to assist all the others which has brought me onto my path of creating things
beautiful for people to contemplate on their lives. I also thank my students
who inspired me to discuss about this book, which, in return, grants me perspectives
to examine myself and my relations with the others in a more charmingly transparent
mode. The wording, the song, and everything combined can be interpreted by any
relations, a parent to a child, a teacher to a student, a boss to an employee,
a general to a solider, and so on.
內心有這些想法的我，創作出了這個曲調、歌詞的中英文，也唱出了這樣的歌。在創作過程的前後，我感恩著生命當中所有的過往遭逢以及相遇，也感恩我的教師學生們使我受到啟發，希望探討像Have
a Little Faith書中這樣的故事，並且省思我個人生命過程當中所有簡單而又美好的相遇。
這樣的歌可以應用在任何一種人際關係、人與物種的關係之中，例如親子、師生、上司部屬等等。
Instead of emotionally kidnapping people around me, I would like
to say that I enjoy seeing them emotionally conscientious and conscious when
they receive any signals from the other individuals, as such would be one of
the best ways to clarify who they really are and how much they can truly give
or share with the others.
與其說我想「情緒綁架」我身邊的人，不如說我期許看到這些人以充滿良知及覺醒的方式，對於他們週遭的人際關係進行施與受。
惟有當我們充滿良知和覺醒，人們才能獲得根本的清醒，了知生命的價值與意義。
The fact is we all have that tremendous amount of energy to
love and to share; I never, for one second, doubt this fact: it is only the angle
we look at this fact and how we take actions towards it.
我們都有無限的能量可以愛人以及與人分享我們的所知，而我從未有過一時一刻，曾經懷疑過這種能量的存有，或者這種能量所可以影響的範疇。
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